i personally, love being an emotionally void person, until i can no longer be emotionally void and it all comes flooding back to me like a huge wave of absolute despair

#really i do love that for me#just thought about how for the last two years march/april time has been awful for me for two very different reasons#one very personal nd the other still very personal but not about me as in me.#i have friends who are so open about their trauma and i just dont know how they do it#recently i spoke to someone who referred to what happened to me as a word id never used before and i never realised thats what it was#and now im really fucked up about it again and i dont know what to do about it#like i almost wish i hadnt spoken to her about it bc then i think i would have just kept detailing it how i used to#but now i cant stop thinking about how. thats what happened. thats what that was and ive been lying to myself his entire time#clearly bc i cant handle the truth of it#and i think i was safe thinking it was something else but now that it clearly isnt im just.#:T im that#but like behind that im a wave of DHFGSUFKSJDHUFIDHESUIU#NKSDBADFSGHDVFHMSDFD and anxiety and depression and self guilt and loathing nd like.#yippee just in time for christmas ig#anways uhh#thats all for now folks
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